I had it. I hear it everywhere that Wendy’s rocks… Wendy’s this and Wendy’s that. I have been to Wendy’s on multiple occasions and I have consumed my share of Junior Bacons. I refuse to pay more than a dollar for a burger… I also had my share of Burger King’s Whopper Junior’s. And guess what?Whopper Jr kicks Bacon Jrs ass all over this place. You ever look at the size of that square patty, its freaking thick as toilet paper, and the taste is gross.

BK rocks… but just don’t take my word for it, here’s a research data collected just for this important update.
This experiment is really scientific, with pie charts and stuff and like control group or something. So feel free to use this collected data on research papers and stuff… maybe as your doctorate.

So we got 3 individuals: Chimbles, Wild Turkey, and Dipstick… of course names have been changed to protect the identity of our lab rats.

Chimbles - prefers Whopper Jr’s
Wild Turkey – prefers Wendy’s
And Dipstick being our control group only said “I’m hungry”

This official 3-D pie chart proves that Burger Kings Whopper Jr, tastes better by like 42.9%.

Chimbles wins again!

Ohh BTW, McDonalds is only good if you are constipated!

Categories : Chimbles News, Your Dark Future // 11 Comments »

As you know Chimbles could care less what Angelina Jolie, Jessica Alba, or Lindsay Lohan are doing. I got my own problems, like the fact that I forgot to do my laundry and ran out of underwear this morning. But… gimmie a giggle and I love you forever; and that’s what Celebrything gives me, and the cherry on top there is always something you can learn by making fun of celebrities and then retell at the water cooler at work… making you the coolest person at work for the day…

This is not a shameless plug… I just love that site because it keeps it real. Go visit Foxnews, or USAToday and you read the same old crap - “Brad Pitt took a dump and beat his own record with a 12inch duke… exclusive pictures.” Now how fun is that? IT’S NOT!! I wanna see and read stories where celebrities slipped, and were made fun of for it. Gimmie the real juice and not that Politically Correct crap.

Chimbles Approves!!!

Categories : Internet is FUNNY // 12 Comments »

Every Monday everyone is complaining… not a huge fan of whiners. Thus I have came up with a perfect solution. But before we get to the solution, we need to figure out what the problem is to begin with. Well I suppose the problem is that people coming of the weekend are lazy to get off their butts and get to work. May I remind everyone that our economy is not doing that great, where is the spirit to help our nation. After 9/11 I see all the flags plastered everywhere, but I guess when push comes to shove we only love America when we don’t have too put too much effort into it… well more effort than displaying the flag and hating on anyone that’s different.

Go figure, how patriotism works. I’m no the one to define it, or even know what it means. I suppose the older generations have a clue going through WWII and all but now its all about getting those dollar sandwiches at McDs. But these old geezers are dying off now and so is the spirit of the great U.S. of A. But I went off on the tangent here…

So we figured out that the problem is not really Monday but the days before it as we collectively call them - weekend days. Damned Saturday and Sunday, for a good measure lets throw Friday in there too. So in my ultimate wisdom I came up with a simple solution and that’s a 7 day work week. This way there will not be an opportunity to whine, and no one single day will get all the blame for being the worst day of the week. Also, not to mention that it will help our economy greatly. I think I will write a letter to Obama, and give him my genious advice, or jsut sent him a link to this kick ass blog.

Any of you want to complain about the day after vacation?

Categories : People are crazy!, Your Dark Future // 18 Comments »

So Australia’s list of banned websites has been leaked to the world. Awesome! Screw Google, why search and waste time typing queries when you get a whole list of the coolest websites at your fingertips right here.

Lemonparty,  Goatse, 2Girls1Cup, and child pornography is just a fraction of the craziness compiled by the Australian government. I mean seriously who has more time and money to compile lists of the coolest websites than some kind of government institution. I bet they have a department called “Coolest Websites Authority” and hundreds of people employed surfing the net to find the most vile crap that is posted out there. Then they just ad it to the list, and someone posts the list on the net for kicks and giggles defying the whole point. Sucks for Australian… or maybe not, apparently they see the world through pink glasses without Goatse being in the way. I wanna live like that too. I don’t really need to know that Mr. Hands died of internal injuries and how it happens. I wanna use google images and look at butterflies and flowers, and not some nasty porn that always keeps on showing up no matter what you look up. When I google “April” I wanna see beautiful fields, daffodils and not pics of Little April with her busted grill.

The Sydney Morning Herald:

Leaked Australian blacklist reveals banned sites

The Australian communications regulator’s top-secret blacklist of banned websites has been leaked on to the web and paints a harrowing picture of Australia’s forthcoming internet censorship regime.

Wikileaks, an anonymous document repository for whistleblowers, obtained the list, which has been seen by this website, and plans to publish it for public consumption on its website imminently.

Wikileaks has previously published the blacklists for Thailand, Denmark and Norway.

University of Sydney associate professor Bjorn Landfeldt said the leaked list “constitutes a condensed encyclopedia of depravity and potentially very dangerous material”.

He said the leaked list would become “the concerned parent’s worst nightmare” as curious children would inevitably seek it out.

But about half of the sites on the list are not related to child porn and include a slew of online poker sites, YouTube links, regular gay and straight porn sites, Wikipedia entries, euthanasia sites, websites of fringe religions such as satanic sites, fetish sites, Christian sites, the website of a tour operator and even a Queensland dentist.

“It seems to me as if just about anything can potentially get on the list,” Landfelt said.

The blacklist is maintained by ACMA and provided to makers of internet filtering software that parents can opt to install on their PCs.

However, if the Government proceeds with its mandatory internet filtering scheme, sites on the blacklist will be blocked for all Australians. The Government has flagged plans to expand the blacklist to 10,000 sites or more… [CLICK FOR MORE]

Categories : Chimbles News // 10 Comments »

OMG Obama is a monster!!! Where does this guy come from? I mean we are all proper, clean, legit people trying to make a living and this so called leader dares to make fun of Special Olympics!!!? HE IS A MONSTER!!

Naw he is just human, just like you and me, with human emotions. In fact no one actually found it offensive at the time, until FOX news got its panties in a bunch and started crying bloody murder. Political correctness continues to go way too far, and ruin everything… which works in funny way, because when politics mess up on a huge scale, ahem, like Iraq, or shady oil deals everyone just looks the other way. But something simple as a reference to Special Olympics causes a big riff. People get your priorities straight.

Let’s wait for hilarity of this to unfold, I predict a holy war when Bill O’ReILLy gets a hold of this and starts crying for impeachment, and after that the winky Governor Palin will step in demanding an apology. First day of Spring for some, but for republicans it will be a festivity as they will now embrace retardation as their number one priority… after all Bush was an inspiration to them all.

Categories : Chimbles News // 11 Comments »

First and foremost to be successful you need to:

1. Define what success is - you gotta find what drive you to come to work, and then you can work from there on to figgure out what success is. For most success is defined by liberty of dropping a duke and getting paid for it… if you expect more than that then you are just crazy!

2. Balance your work load - balancing work load in theory is easy, its finding that place where you do just enough for the company to keep you around, yet do little enough not to break a sweat.In reality its kinnda hard to find that spot, but I reccomend starting by not doing anything one day and see what the repricussions of that are. If there is none, you are successful.

3. Be Secure - times have change, economy is in the crapper, hiring freezes and frozen wages… it’s like a winter over again. But don’t phreat, first and foremost start skimming supplies from the supply closet, and grab anything you see that is small enough to fit in a lunch box. Who cares if you don’t need it… someone else might… check ebay… spent earned money on booze.

4. Be important - Do not go anywhere without carrying papers or a folder in your hand, create the appearance that you are important and people shouldnt mess with you, especially them HR folks.

5. Fake it till you make it - Just simply don’t get phased, in your mind you are a CEO, even if you are jsut pushing the mop around. Don’t let people push you areound and have the secretary type up some memos for you.

Categories : Your Dark Future // 3 Comments »

This song had to be posted!  - I’m On A Boat from The Lonely Island’s Incredibad Album(ft. T-Pain)

Andy Samberg of Saturday Night Live and Hot Rod fame is kickin it on the bizzzoat biatch! Explicit Lyrics!! So if you a cry baby, don’t click play - Its simple as that!

Categories : Music // 8 Comments »

I’m sick of hearing women always demand guys do stuff for them. Also all the Magazines are about what “He can do for you”… but Chimbles, is going to take it back, for all the men out there.

Now what about my needs as a man?

Heres few suggestions for the ladies:
1) Change the oil in his truck
2) let him watch the game/race in peace, go bring him beer
3) Hes not here to clean the gutters, hes just here to lay the pipe
4) Have farting contests
5) For once you try to make the loot and come home expecting to satisfy his ever desire
6) Shut up!
7) Realize its not the dress that makes you look fat
Suggest IDB as a form of foreplay

Don’t be fooled guys, woman don’t need a kitchen or fancy pots to make you some delicious soup!

Categories : Love Life // 8 Comments »

You already know who is next… next best rapper alive is Eli Porter. Tupac, Biggie, Lil Weezy… please move aside… well two of them already did. Get ready for this!

Categories : Music // 6 Comments »

That’s right faithful readers; the all mighty Chimbles got busted by the police again! I won’t lie, I’m not perfect - I have a criminal record. It all stems back to that possession of nunchucks charge I got back in my junior year of high school. Some of you may remember that accident, and if not its somewhere in the archives.

Anyways, as they say 3 strikes and you are out… or in… IN JAIL! So it was my third time that the highway patrol caught me cruising on my moped on the limited access highway. As always, I came a bit fast around the corner, folding the bike and scraping my knees just to stay in my lane, pushing around 30mphs but it definitely felt like 45 – trust me… I could feel my rear tire losing its grip… so I downshifted to 1^st as its only a 2 speed sport model… and promptly landed in a ditch.

Surprisingly the moped regained its balance and coasted down the breakdown lane abruptly stopping on the bumper of a state cruiser, and then wedging itself under the Crown Vics gas tank. Offcer O’Malley was running lidar at the time, and was a bit shaken up when the moped smacked into his cruiser… I like to imagine he spilled his coffee too,  but that’s unconfirmed.

I have contemplated running at this time, and yelling out “I ain’t going back to jail pigs!!” but somehow I just couldn’t get up, I’m not sure if it was because of the injuries sustained during the short flight or just pure laziness. Either way I just chilled there for a minute, putting my head down on the grass and looking at the sky, that’s when my view got blocked by a state trooper’s head…. With his nightstick he poked me in the shoulder… Speak about police brutality!

“Do you know how fast you were going son?” said O’Malley with a smirk… like somehow it was funny that I had a hole in my pants and my moped sustained at least 40 bucks of damage.

“I dunno… musta been close to fitty!!! Then my Metzeler rear lost it’s….” I was ready to tell this good soul my sob story, but he just didn’t want to listen.

The judge wasn’t lenient this time. I told him I had to take the highway to be at work on time, and blah blah. But he said that it’s my third time, and that I apparently do not listen that well. Got 6 month in the clink…. Lost my job too.

Fortunately knowing my ropes in the slammer earned me en early dismissal for good behavior… and to be honest when I was crossing those prison gates, I was a bit disappointed. Now with no job, busted moped, I realized that sitting there for 5 months, being fed and having my every fancy taken care of is way better than trying to get unemployment and sitting on the curb of Dunkin Donuts all day long sipping a small coffee.

At least I got this blog.

Categories : Your Dark Future // 5 Comments »