Chimble’s Nightly Doodles

It was back in high School when I have dropped my subscription to Mad Magazine, and it was not because it was not funny, in fact it was hilarious in its own special way. Unfortunately for Mad Magazine the subscription got dropped because of Cosmopolitan Magazine. Yes, you have heard that right… Cosmo mag.

Why Cosmo you ask? Well, Cosmo is just pure comedy gold disguised as help magazine for women. Guys know its a lady mag so they try to stay away to retain their macho attitude. But not me, I’m one of those phantom bathroom dudes. You know the one that’s always int he bathroom no matter what time you go there. Same dude that you see going about the stalls with a rolled up magazine under his arm. That’s right folks, I treat the bathroom at work like my own personal library. It’s a perfect sanctuary… well imaginary sanctuary that is inconveniently located next door to waste disposal facility. But regardless of the facts, I have chosen Cosmo as my bathroom buddy not because of the ladies plastered all over the ads, but because it was fat and thick, and somehow there was a whole bunch of them in the cafeteria.   So now I could afford to sit on the potty for almost an hour and still keep reading versus that 10 minutes it took to read Mad Mag from cover to the foldy cover.

Cosmo reminds me a bit of High Times, as it is apparent that everyone involved in publishing of that crap is high on something. Advice there is written in serious tone, but its so pathetic that it no longer takes any effort to empty my bowels. All I need is to start reading it and then I feel empty… emotionally too. At night I keep praying that all the supposed letters that are printed on there are made up by the crack smoking editors… no way in hell can people be so stupid to air their pathetic skid mark stained laundry in a public view like that.

Seems like every issue offers new and creative ways of “training your man.” Yup man are dogs, and we are the princesses is the moral story every month. Tricks to take half of his ish are on every other page, ways to make your man think and act like you are on the other side of that every page.

I’m telling you guys its comedy diamond in the rough. Pick up a copy, or if you have the balls go to CVS and stand there in the aisle reading it, make sure that the bathroom is close by, because your bowels will let loose and your jaw will be sore from all the laughter.

Categories : Love Life, People are crazy! // 1 Comment »

Not sure why but this video is just hilarious. Not the fact what happens to Ali but his friends reaction is just golden.

Check it out (strong language):

You will be happy to know that Ali is OK and his friends are still Scottish

Categories : People are crazy!, Video // Add Comment »

If you are anything like me you could give two craps about the Summer Olympics. Triathlons, what are those? Swimming around, or just getting wet in general is not that appealing either. How are those skills useful anyways? well perhaps if you are training to be a criminal, then I see how having those skills could help you out escaping justice. On the other hand chicks like guys with skills, or so Napoleon Dynamite proclaimed.

However as a chief writer for this awesome blog I feel obligated to at least mention something. After all I wouldn’t like the ladies to think I’m heartless… but they should know that already judging by the vast amounts of fat people hate entries I have on here.

So let’s see what those great Olympics have netted for us:

Here we have a marathon runner. I admire those dudes and the ladies too. I for one can not grasp the reason to run around and sweat just for kicks and giggles. Anyways, this pictures looks innocent enough in a minimized form, but click it and BAAAAAM it’s kicked up a notch. Now, if I ever was asked to define determination, this would be a picture I would point to. Sure crap happens, but don’t let little things stop you in your tracks… slush slush slush Keep on running my man, keep on running for the gold as it seems you have already pretty much secured the bronze!! Do I need to mention that expressions on everyone’s faces are just golden?

I believe everyone has tuned in to watch the ladies swim. No one however gave a crap if they come in first or last, or if they even make it to the other end of the pool. The males all over the world tuned in to watch some lasses in bikinis. I guess I can see why not, after all seeing them in real life would require the effort of getting out of the house and driving to the beach, or the city pool or countless other places to see half naked ladies… i.e. the mall. I have also tuned in… but my reasons were less perverse in nature, after all that was the only station my coat hanger antenna picks up. I did however notice that, the ladies looked pretty much rough in the face department. I think its a standard procedure for them to keep their heads in a vise when they are not practicing randomly moving their arms and legs to float to safety.

Acrobatics - From all the disciplines out there I think I like acrobatics the best. First and foremost unlike everyone out there I’m into the dark art of Ninjutsu, and other crazy methods of decapitating someone with some dental floss. Unfortunately there was no real violence going on at the Olympics but I heard through the grapevine that outside of the village there was plenty of ass kicking going around. Mainly police vs the lazy protesters, and I call them lazy because its obvious that they are not at work when they are protesting. Anyways, I’m glad that the spirit of full contact baton beating, and general sportmanship spirit still lives on. Also I like acrobatics for the fact that Swedish Swen that also wins the tough man competitions, is standing there in one piece suit, prancing around like a girl. LOL @ you Swen!

Cycling is in the same domain as running, as far as I’m concerned. With reality being that you can pick up a semi working car cheaper than a good bike it is just dumb to practice sweating.Well unless you do it in style, like the dude in the pic. Sure he probably can’t get laid, but he has a cool bike he assembled from an old Huffy and a mannequin he found in the dumpster behind Target.I wonder if he is skilled enough to do a stoppie on that bike, and not break the titties off the mannequin.

Wrestling is just a general failure of sportsmanship. It fails all around and the best proof is that WWF crap and Hulk Hogan and his whole family. Sure that stuff may not be real wrestling, but real wrestling is not that much better. Just take a peeksy at the picture at the left. The only cool thing is that the red player is wearing some nice Asics I wouldn’t mind rockin’ but that’s about it. There is also that finger in the butt move, but as funny as it looks, I think there is a lot of that stuff going on in that discipline, especially after the matches… in the shower.

Last but not least lets check out the Olympics Fashion.
Olympic Fashion, in 2008 it seemed that cancer seems to dominate the 10 on the scale of cool, but what will next years bring us? I thing Armstrong with his LiveLong bracelet coolness has kicked something off. I wonder if he even realized that he was on to something… like starting the next biggest fad of having fat obese people feel obligated to wear spandex just because they bike. I giggle a bit when I pass sweaty fatties in a tight fitting clothing cycling around my town. First of all they are no match to my moped, and second of all I’m not limited in what I can wear.

In summation the Summer Olympics in Beijing sucked balls. So Phelps won couple medals, big deal! There are soldiers fighting for our freedoms int he foreign lands and that dude is just chilling in the pool looking all Lurch, I would like to see if he can even toss a grenade through kindergarten schoolhouse window.

Categories : Chimbles News, People are crazy! // Add Comment »

Nothing hits my soft spot like some great music. There is bunch of crap out there, and a lot of commerce too. Sometimes its hard to understand what the artist, if you can call them that, try to tell you in their lyrics. I mean whats up with Lil’ Weezy sounding like a chipmunk? Saddest part is that he got paid more for that crappy song that you will ever earn in your life. It is hard to find someone that has talent, but is not greedy to write some commercial tunes.

Here I present you one of the newest upcoming stars; he’s a good singer, awesome director and also kicks everything up a notch by being sexy.

Categories : Music, People are crazy! // Add Comment »

Here I was worried that I didn’t have health coverage. My work doesn’t offer any, as I’m a part timer, and I can not afford any private carrier. Of course i did not give up, I searched the net for the solution, as it is widely known that internet holds all the answers. And this is what I found:

CNN Political Ticker News:

McCain adviser: Everyone in U.S. has some health coverage

From CNN Associate Political Editor Rebecca Sinderbrand

(CNN) – A health care policy adviser for the McCain campaign told a newspaper reporter that nobody in the United States is technically uninsured, because everyone has access to hospital emergency rooms.

“So I have a solution [to the health care crisis]. And it will cost not one thin dime,” John Goodman, president of the National Center for Policy Analysis, told the Dallas Morning News in an interview published Thursday.

“The next president of the United States should sign an executive order requiring the Census Bureau to cease and desist from describing any American – even illegal aliens – as uninsured. Instead, the bureau should categorize people according to the likely source of payment should they need care. So, there you have it. Voila! Problem solved.”

Hospital emergency rooms cannot technically turn away anyone for financial reasons.

“So instead of producing worthless statistics that people fling around in vacuous editorials and pointless debates, the Census Bureau should produce meaningful numbers, identifying all of the sources of funds people will draw on if they need medical care,” said Goodman, who helped write McCain’s health care plan.

That plan would use a combination of tax incentives and market competition to make health care more affordable. It is not a universal health care plan – it does not guarantee insurance coverage for every American.

See McCain is not a president yet, but he already gets poop done. people crying about not being able to stay healthy, and all this time it was their fault for not dragging their butt to the hospital. But I will admit, I was also one of those that assumed if I don’t carry insurance I’m not welcome anywhere close to health clinic. perhaps it stems from the fact that last year I managed to drag myself to the hospital with crazy stomach pains and they managed to offer me a bed. Sure it was next to the bathroom, In the hallway and only required me to wait in the waiting room for 2 hours, but at the end of the whole escapade my stomach didn’t hurt. I wont mention the fact that no doctor bothered to stop by and offer any comforting words nor a prescription… now I would have to pay for prescription. i would also had to pay for Ambulance if I chose to be smart and get to ER without waiting.

Now, with the news hitting the pavement and all the joyous sickies without insurance rushing to ER I suspect the wait will be even longer. Who knew that we can solve a problem just by changing its definition.

Categories : People are crazy!, Your Dark Future // 1 Comment »

Through many years we have been told about great artists like Picasso or Monet or countless other people who picked up a brush and painted something. To be honest I don’t really see whats so great about their paintings, sure times have changed but I can do twice as cooler painting using PhotoShop filters in under 5 minutes. Now many will claim that they can really appreciate those artist, and definitely tell a difference between my PhotoShop drawing and the “real works of art.” And I will be more than happy to make the BS call.

We are humans, we fool each other, and our brains… sure you will agree that the painting is awesome only after you make sure that thousands of other have already expressed the same opinion. Heck people can not differentiate between a $10 bottle of wine vs $90 bottle of fine wine… when they are blind folded and told by these prankster scienticians/statisticians that the cheap Yellowtail is in fact significantly more expensive that the other option. So can humans really differentiate the artistic value of a piece of rock as compared to some sculpture… heck no… they can only judge on the merits of perception of what they believe others perceive the value of…. complicated huh? (Here’s a link to the study)

To ad insult to injury, the prankster scienticians/statisticians took bunch of fools and gave them placebo pills, but told them that half of the pills are mucho more expensive… guess which pills worked better?? (Research here)

What I don’t get is what is the drive for these smart scienticians to prove over and over again that as a human race we are kind of dumb? I mean these people spend crap load of money to at the end victoriously declare that “Now we got scientific studies to prove that humans are only marginally smarter than a squirrel.” Cant they just instead release some intern into Walmart and have them write an essay on what they saw? The conclusion would still be the same… Is it really necessary to spend loot to tell everyone that the sky is blue?

Categories : People are crazy! // Add Comment »

If you have not heard yet the far left political groups rallying in Denver put FOX news in its place. Now, take the far left label with a grain of salt. As it is in our wonderful world of politics far left automatically equals extremism which in turn equals psycho. FOX uses such label in attempt to discredit people speaking out negatively about their network. In my eyes, these protesters are not far left, they are simply human… you can only pretend that sh*t is not sh*t for so long. FOX chose to be a ridicule of a network and now are getting their panties in a bunch because people have the balls to call them out on it.

Check these out… heavy cussing in all of the videos below, so if you are squeamish simply don’t click.

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This one is from FOX themselves… damage control:

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Here’s another take:

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And the background story on the FOX drama…

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Perfect example of what goes around comes around. I applaud  these people, be they far left, far right or far anything… they took their time and YouTube hit it out of the park… Bravo!

Categories : Chimbles News, People are crazy!, Your Dark Future // Add Comment »

I don’t know about you, but I have been keeping my eyes focused on one of my favorite blogs LilSubwayCryBaby. Something definitely is brewing over there. For a long time there was no updates, and when I foolishly assumed that the owner probably ditched his art piece of a blog, he or she comes and redeems themselves.

Long story short, when I was sitting here fuming and passing judgment, the lilsubwaycrybaby.com folks have been doing research, and not just any research. Instead of tallying up how many times the train was late and then being a crybaby about it, they went further than any mortal man with a crappy job have went… that’s right folks they went into the underground. Now you are probably saying: “Big deal I can walk down the subway tunnel too!” Well you would probably get electrocuted, or ran over by a train, as it is a know fact that Chimbles.com readers walk with a swag… some say its pimping, others blame alcohol as culprit, but we are not here to pass judgment on that. The fact is that LilSubwayCryBaby put in time and effort to assimilate and think like an underground vagrant does, just to gain their trust and expose the underground secrets to you all. Giving up the luxuries of life like listening to the radio, or drinking fancy tap water, or even wearing shoes… LilSubway went all the way, locking the material possessions in storage, and giving up whats good to became one of the dirty ones.

Now I wish I had more detail to tell you on what happened but I don’t know myself… Not to be overshadowed I did some research on my own, scratching my balls and drinking Poland Spring I have researched Pygmies and came to conclusion that they are some crazy mofos! I can tell you thought that when I got in touch with Head Pygmy via AIM he told me that LilSubway has more news coming our way shortly.

Categories : Chimbles News, People are crazy! // Add Comment »

As you may also have, I have sat through countless hours in the so called Health Class taught by our coach, and then by some lady that seemed to be only capable of obtaining a job that required the spread of misinformation. 4 Years of HS, every other day we sat there reading books from the 60’s about life, drugs, death, and masturbation. Each of the chapters was even funnier than the one before. And how about that DARE program that made every Thursday of the junior high a brain wash day. Sure some officer pulled up in a Corvette, that was supposedly taken from a drug dealer, but that was about the coolest part.  That role playing seemed to be more of a benefit to the perverse cop than the kids themselves who were now scared shitless to event take a Tylenol for headache.

Anywho, the main premise of those whole miss education about drugs seemed to be that sooner or later some pot head will approach you and give you hits of anything you want, just to hook you on drugs. Even back then I had clear understanding the concept of money, and the fact that no matter how dumb a dopehead is the last thing s/he will do is give away free samples, after all we are not walking here through the isles of foodmart with old lady giving away slices of cheese.

But it is what it is, and supposedly teachers don’t lie, especially cops, who uphold the law of the land, and all the morals out there. However I’m still waiting for my free drugs, perhaps I have not walked enough through the hood, or some dark alley but it feels like I have missed out on something here. I want my drugs damn it!!! So if you are one of the pothead sample people get in touch with me and send me the stuff I have been promised.

Categories : People are crazy!, Your Dark Future // Add Comment »

Lately after the 9/11 and all the conspiracy theories one theme has evolved… the government is spying on you! How dare they!! It’s your constitutional right not to be spied on, especially by the gov and big W! Not only are they spying on you from the cover of the bushes, but now with the creation of Department of Defense they are standing right there looking through your window! Well that’s more of a metaphor, but you get the big picture.

WTF?

Wtf is right! How dare the government collect information on you. YOU, the most important person on earth, around whom the whole universe is revolving about! Damned assholes! Myspace is rigged, so is LinkedIn, I wont even mention Facebook, GMAIL, Yahoo search… those tricksters have you fill out your own death warrant. I wont even mention the fact that with that latest crazy legislation they are recording your conversations; be it through the telephone, or through a hidden microphone in a light pole… and you know the technology, I bet they can listen through concrete walls now too. I also have heard that Microsoft gave the Gov a secret back door to the operating system. I bet Bush is stealing your credit card information to pay for the national debt! Why should you carry the whole world on your shoulders? After all you have your own bills to worry about.

Million bazillion bits of data is now streaming to some secret location with information about you, how you behave, what you had for lunch today, and how many times you left the rest room without washing your hands. Operators are standing by just to listen to your phone conversation when you call your third cousin to runt about your bunions for 3 hours. I’m sure they are transcribing and recording every thing you say, even the tone of your voice.

Now I just wonder with all that spying going around, and all the vast amounts of data being stored, who does that? Are there live operators sitting there listing to your conversation and giggling? Are they government employees? If so, do they get those great government benefits like good health insurance, and Dodge Neon with government plates on them just to drive around. Do you think they are in the union? Maybe they even get pistols?

Government, Dubya, if you are listening and recording, please send an application for one of the spy/transcriber positions. I’m sick at working in the pet shop, I think I may have been a bit poisoned when I was stocking those tainted Chinese pet food items. I need a new job. You know my address, and you know my qualifications, and even my GPA… I guess that application would just be a formality then.

Paranoia, it’s so awesome to make fun of… Put On Your Tin Foil Hat!

Categories : People are crazy! // 2 Comments »