Self Evaluation
There is a time each year in where the employed ones have a chance to shine. Thus came the time in our pet stores for self evaluation. The time where managers still continue to do nothing, and push all the work on the worker bees, even when its time to evaluate their performance. Who ever came out with a concept of self evaluation must have been one lazy bastard, and who ever think that worker bees understand the philosophical concept of self evaluation is twice as dumb. We know, it has nothing to do with building our skills, it;s just a way for the lazy ones to do even less work, and then proceed to copy and paste self evaluations as their evaluations and send it off to HR.
Q: List your accomplishments made during the evaluation period make sure to include goals reached, problem resolution, difficult special assignments.
A: I feel like I have reached many goals while employed at Gold Fish Pet Store. One of the goals was to come to work on time, and I believe I have made an improvement of .2 percent over the annual period. Another goal I have reached was to sell the dying off pets first. At first I had a moral issue with it, but I do come to realize my mistakes, and happily joined the corporate world by providing customer with the most crappy product we had in stock… I also did it with a smile. I did cry myself to sleep over that on multiple occasions, but thats outside of work hours and should not be used in this evaluation.
- The goal above is to show that you are sensitive, and able to meet self set goals. Also, it is important to bullshit that you are eye to eye with company’s unwritten procedures so they will see you as a valuable team member.
I have a lot of problems, most of which are still to be resolved. However I do keep a list of my problems on a piece of paper I like to call a suicide note.
- Warning this is a trick question. Any way you answer will be a wrong way. be creative as you like!
One difficult special assignment was when the kibble 40 foot trailer arrived at 4 a.m. and my co worker Joe was nowhere in sight. I have managed to unload the trailer before the opening at 9 a.m. I have stuffed the hand truck very high and everytime it tipped spilling the product the truck driver laughed, but I kept my cool because the temperature was just 5 degrees outside. Also, once I came in to work with only an hour of notice from my manager who stopped by my house on his way to the beach to tell me to go in and man the registers… this time I answered the door when he was knocking… I needed the money.
- Here is your chance to describe how you went above and beyond, whatever that means; but I dont think it applies about being high on the job. Tell them how retarded strong you are, DO NOT tell them about all the times you spend an hour in the bathroom stall reading a magazine. Subtly mention that you need more money in hopes of getting a raise.
List roadblocks you have encountered during work which have prevented you from successfully meeting goals such as limited resources, skill deficiencies, time constraints…
Once on my way to work we have hit a construction site and the bus had to take a detaur. Given the fact that it was a new driver we got lost on the way and circled the same block 3 times. I blame the driver and construction workers for this one.
- This is a trick question again! Pretend to misunderstand the question is your best options. Under no circumstances mention any names here… they will turn around and report you to the police for having a kill list. remember this is U.S.A. we love each other very much. Do not admit that you have any deficiencies either, they will only quote the same reasons when they fire your ass for shaking teh pepsi machine and stealing the goods.
List items that can help you enhance/improve your performance and overall contribution to the company. Please include what your supervisor can do to help you do your job better.
I believe new Nike sneakers would make me more effective in the stock room, then I would be able to turn around quicker, climb the ladder quicker, and stock kibble even higher than before. New Balance sneakers would be my second choice. Also, a Blackberry would be an improvement, as then I would be able to contact other stores, be put on hold and check the their stock balance, probably before the customer leaves the store all upset.
-This is your chance to make demands. You wont get a raise if you don’t ask for it! Make sure to make it seem that it will benefit them more than it would benefit you!
List specific objectives you plan to accomplish over the next year.
My specific objectives is to increase my kibble stocking time from 3 bags a minute to 4.5 bags.
- Once again this allows you to be creative, its not like they will help you in any way to reach YOUR objectives on company time. Also a good answer would be: To become an astronaut!
Comments
please put 2 ply in the stalls, the cardboard that is currently there could cause an injury.
- This is the time to show them who is the boss. Don’t be overly aggressive, but don’t be a wuss. Even if you are fine with the lack of TP still make up something to point out where they fail… this will make you feel better when they list things you fail at.
GOAL ACCOMPLISHED!
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