Why I Read Cosmopolitan - A Male Perspective
It was back in high School when I have dropped my subscription to Mad Magazine, and it was not because it was not funny, in fact it was hilarious in its own special way. Unfortunately for Mad Magazine the subscription got dropped because of Cosmopolitan Magazine. Yes, you have heard that right… Cosmo mag.
Why Cosmo you ask? Well, Cosmo is just pure comedy gold disguised as help magazine for women. Guys know its a lady mag so they try to stay away to retain their macho attitude. But not me, I’m one of those phantom bathroom dudes. You know the one that’s always int he bathroom no matter what time you go there. Same dude that you see going about the stalls with a rolled up magazine under his arm. That’s right folks, I treat the bathroom at work like my own personal library. It’s a perfect sanctuary… well imaginary sanctuary that is inconveniently located next door to waste disposal facility. But regardless of the facts, I have chosen Cosmo as my bathroom buddy not because of the ladies plastered all over the ads, but because it was fat and thick, and somehow there was a whole bunch of them in the cafeteria. So now I could afford to sit on the potty for almost an hour and still keep reading versus that 10 minutes it took to read Mad Mag from cover to the foldy cover.
Cosmo reminds me a bit of High Times, as it is apparent that everyone involved in publishing of that crap is high on something. Advice there is written in serious tone, but its so pathetic that it no longer takes any effort to empty my bowels. All I need is to start reading it and then I feel empty… emotionally too. At night I keep praying that all the supposed letters that are printed on there are made up by the crack smoking editors… no way in hell can people be so stupid to air their pathetic skid mark stained laundry in a public view like that.
Seems like every issue offers new and creative ways of “training your man.” Yup man are dogs, and we are the princesses is the moral story every month. Tricks to take half of his ish are on every other page, ways to make your man think and act like you are on the other side of that every page.
I’m telling you guys its comedy diamond in the rough. Pick up a copy, or if you have the balls go to CVS and stand there in the aisle reading it, make sure that the bathroom is close by, because your bowels will let loose and your jaw will be sore from all the laughter.
September 4th, 2008 at 10:30 am
If you laugh at Cosmo you should try Redbook. Redbook articles, especially their love advice articles, must be written by people who live to wreak havoc on marriages and relationships. In one recent issue featuring an article giving advice on what turns your man on in bed, women were advised to… and this is specifically supposed to be done without any warning… suddenly stick their thumb up their man’s anus. I am sure the authors sat around trying to come up with ways to get their readers in serious trouble. I wonder how many sleeping kids got woken up by a shrill scream from daddy coming from their parent’s bedroom the night after that beauty arrived in the mailbox?
October 10th, 2008 at 9:54 am
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